Hello Mother. Hello Father. I am writing, underwater

“So, no joke, there I was…”
The tall tale is just as much a part of the military as boots and rifles. Shooting the breeze, chewing the fat, spinning a yarn, or “talking story” for Pearl Harbor sailors. A sailor tells stories because a sailor is well acquainted with waiting, hurrying up and waiting, and standing in line.
There is always waiting to be done in the military, regardless of service or specialty. Seeing as anyone of sufficiently higher rank is never late, simply otherwise detained; a sailor learns very quickly how to wait.
The hurry up and wait is a special, though quite common, occurrence in which the sailor makes all assigned preparations only to discover that some sort of thing will now delay the completion of the event at large. This is often the case when a sailor needs approval from the Ship’s Duty Officer to hang safety tags and commence maintenance on a piece of gear. A long line of sailors is generally found waiting on the Duty Officer as drawings, diagrams, and maintenance cards are pored over.
Once all tools, sailors, tags, and permissions are properly arranged; a sailor may just find themselves in a “goat rope.” The goat rope is easily identified by all personnel in the vicinity by the obvious fact that nothing is going as planned. As always, there is more than enough blame to go around but the crux of the issue is that sailors must wait for resolution of some detail or another.
Any sort of muster can generate waiting. The morning muster in divisional spaces often reveals the tardiness of the new guy that has not quite gotten the hang of that showing up on time bit. “Well, we’ll just all wait for them to show up then.”
One feels sorry for the poor soul named Justin Case. “Can’t we go home for the day?” one might ask, “Seeing as the work list is done and all.” The dreaded reply, “We better wait for a while, just in case.” has the conspicuous lack of a timeline attached to it. This day could go on forever.
So, a sailor begins to tell a story. One might say that the amusing story is the best and most common. Sailors do love to laugh, even at their own expense. Most have learned the lesson that a self-deprecating story is sure to draw a small crowd and a laugh. Never mind if this one has been told before to some of those assembled. That just means they can pitch in at key points for emphasis or to deliver the punch line in a new way. And anyway, its not the story that truly matters. We are trying to pass the time here.
Stories told on a long, boring watch can wander all over the map. These are the times that bring sailors together. Talk of first kisses and lost loves, first cars and dream rides, why we joined and how badly our recruiter lied to us, plans we have germinating for life after the Navy, old shipmates from past boats; such is the standard fare. We grow to know and appreciate each other. We learn the backstory to the sailor that we never would have known to ask about.
I have never cried nor have I seen tears but there have been some close calls.
The young sailors love to ask me for stories. I would like to think I am halfway decent at telling one or two. They love the stories from my shore duty where I supervised the restricted sailors for Submarine School. Sailors fresh from Basic Training with a few dollars in their pocket and some free time will find all manner of new and interesting ways to get into trouble.
Ask a sailor for a story and you are likely to make their day. We love to tell stories. We might get a little fuzzy on the details sometimes, particularly if no one from the actual events is present to dispute the facts. Cars get a little faster, girls get a little prettier, feats of strength and daring become just a touch more impressive. It’s not that we mean to lie, we just want to tell a good one and get a laugh or two. After all, we have a minute or two to burn; why not do it with a smile?
This column is not endorsed by the US Navy and any opinions herein are my own.
STS1(SS) Aaron B. Skellenger, USN
USS OLYMPIA (SSN 717)